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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy trips over his own feet. I mean, c’mon! He goes down like a sack of potatoes. Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just shakin’ my head. I help him up, and he’s like, “I’m fine, mate!” But he’s got grass stains all over his jeans. Classic.

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